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  • AnonymousPt1-My freshman year of highschool I was raped. I didn't see it ever happening to me, I knew my mother had been in an abusive relationship with her first husband and I thought to myself it'd never happen to me. And that if it did I could never tell her because she would kill anyone who touched me. My sister and her friends had a party everyone was 18+ there. We all started drinking and I got to the point where I could barely stay awake, I went to go to bed alone.
  • ibelieveyouitsnotyourfault

    (QUESTION CONT.)

    I woke up to one of the older guys pulling my jeans off, I asked him what he was doing. I told him no. But he didn’t care he did what he wanted and I froze, I cried after and tried calling my best friend who later on didn’t believe me. After that I got really depressed when I told my boyfriend who had moved away about it he didn’t believe me. Months later I left my highschool. I became depressed, i had nightmares and felt disgusting. I reached out and told my sister and she was furious that I didn’t say anything. No one else took me seriously my best friend thinks I lied because we were drinking and my other best guy friends just found out this year and hugged me till I almost cried. They had no idea, but they knew hed done it others. I’m tired of everyone thinking its my fault and that I wanted it. Sometimes I wish I could disappear when I see him or run into him and he thinks everything is ok. I was only 15. He was 21. How could that ever be ok? The worst part is men keep thinking because I’m “beautiful” i want it. I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of men thinking that its ok tool joke about having sex with me or tell people that we have because I didn’t want to be more then friends. I’m not fucking okay. I just want men to stop treating me like a fucking object. I can’t say anything on social media either because everyone will think I’m a whore for sticking up for myself. I just want a fresh start. :\

    I’m so, so sorry that happened to you. I can’t tell how old you are now, but I hope you are close to being independent and getting out of the social circles and community you are in. It sounds like a lot of the people you are surrounded by are narcissists, trying to make what happened to you somehow about them. A hallmark of the narcissist is gaslighting; that is, telling you what happened to you actually didn’t, or didn’t happen in the way you remembered. Either way, these are people to get away from if you can. They can’t support you or even engage in a reciprocal relationship. There are better, healthier people out there and you deserve them as friends. If your sister was angry at you for not saying something sooner, that’s understandable. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t support you or on your side, it just means she feels powerless to help you. I strongly urge you to consider telling your mom. o one can understand what you have been though and are going through more than her. Perhaps do so with your sister’s support and knowledge so you can deal with it as a family. You need support right now. If you can’t reach out to your family, please visit the resources page we have here. There is good help out there and you deserve it. You don’t have to feel so isolated and trapped. Thank you for writing in. I’m thinking about you." - JM

    The fact that you were drunk doesn’t put you at fault for your rape. The grown man who was hanging out with high school freshman? He’s at fault. He sounds like a predator and a loser and I’m sorry there aren’t more people in your life who believe you. I believe you. I know how hard it is to tell people about an assault. I know firsthand how embarrassing it can be, how emotional and risky. But the good news is that we don’t arrive at the truth by a vote. What happened to you is real, and you deserve support, whether your “friends” believe you or not. I’ve found a lot of empowerment in speaking out about the person who assaulted me, and while not everyone has been supportive, I’ve had several conversations with women who have been victimized by the same person, who thought they were alone. That solidarity and validation means something. Please consider telling your mom or another safe adult who can help you process your assault. And feel free to clean up your friends list; a few gems are worth more than a bucket of pennies, and you deserve better than what you’re getting from the friends you mentioned." - Stefanie

    I am extremely sorry that so many in your circle are unwilling to listen to and believe you. It says much more about them than it does about you. I am honestly very proud of you for already feeling so protective of yourself and for being able to clearly understand that some men are treating you a certain way because you are female and because of how you look. I’m proud of you that you know this is not okay and that you are worth more. I didn’t know that when I was young. It took me a long time to figure out that I didn’t have to let people treat me like shit. It took me a long time to figure out that I was worth something to myself. When I was 13, I went to a keg party for the first time. It was an older guy’s birthday party. I got staggeringly, blindly drunk. I threw up. I blacked out. The whole deal. At some point, I woke up and the birthday guy was on top of me kissing me. I was still very drunk and didn’t really process what was happening. It didn’t go any farther than kissing (that I remember). I don’t know what led up to him on top of me like that but I still feel sick that it happened. The next day all I could think about was my hangover and how to hide that hangover from my mother, but I also kept having flashes of this guy on me and I remember feeling very confused by it all. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn’t my fault that this older guy decided to take advantage of my youth and drunkenness but I do fully acknowledge that now. It wasn’t my fault. My hope for you is that you acknowledge how strong you are and that you can be proud of yourself for that. I also hope that you can find someone who will really listen to you about the rape and help you find ways to heal yourself. You do not need to carry this burden alone. I believe you. It’s not your fault." - Myfanwy

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